Silent Tears
Going through it was torture, and as an adult it pained me to look back on it. However, my parents raising me the way they did is most likely why I have survived for as long as I have. Strict doesn’t even come close to describing my parents. I was a planned birth, yet I have no idea why they decided to have me. Perhaps it was to keep up appearances. The freshly painted two story house with the wrap around porch, the pristine white waist high picket fence, the trim greener than green yard with perfectly red rose bushes, and the icing on the perfect life cake… me. The clean cut, straight A, perfectly obedient child. The kid they didn’t want, but had to have. If there was a potion to turn children into adults I am sure it would have been slipped into my bottle the day I was born, before even leaving the hospital.
Strict might not be the right word. It went beyond that. I was never allowed to be a kid. We didn’t even celebrate holidays. I knew the date of my birth, but I never had any type of birthday celebration. I didn’t learn it was a day to celebrate until I was in school. Easter was passed over without a second though. I spent Halloween watching the other kids having fun from my bedroom window. Christmas my parents threw a party for their business associates. They hired a designer to put up decorations the day before the party, and take them down the day after. During the party I was dressed in a suit and tie and placed against a wall. I stood up straight, one hand placed neatly over the other. The adults rarely noticed I was there, and when they did I was simply given an odd look then forgotten. After the party guests left I was handed my gifts of educational books that had been placed under the tree, must keep up appearances you know, then left alone to read or study silently.
I never had any toys growing up, not that I remember anyways. Not unless you count flashcards, a dictionary, thesaurus, and complete encyclopedia set as toy. I was allowed to go to the library as often as I wanted though. That was my saving grace. I had to be silent at all times unless spoken to, but if a nod would suffice that was all I was allowed to do. I spent my time drowning my pain in book after book. I was top of my class from preschool on up. I had nothing better to do than read, study, and complete my homework anyways. My parents told me if I didn’t ace everything they would revoked my library privileges. Sad to think my biggest punishment was taking away my books. I never gave them a cause to punish me though. I wasn’t allowed to visit friends after school, nor were they allowed to come to my house. With that and everything else, my clean cut appearance, refusal to get dirty, speaking like an adult at a very young age, I was quickly tagged as an odd kid. An outsider. So before I even reached middle school the others my age avoided me like the plague. I guess you could almost call me a mute. I responded to my teachers if they called on me. Which was rare. But nothing more. I was lucky enough to not be bullied, though I’m not sure how I avoided that. There is really nothing else to tell about myself growing up and my childhood. I was born. I was forced to sit still, be silent, and behave myself. That’s how it was from birth till I moved out the day after graduation. The amazing human statue.
I guess there was one other thing that filled my childhood. My life really. Molly. Molly was my neighbour. I was fascinated by her for longer than I could remember. I would gaze at her as often as I could without being noticed. Watching her play in her backyard with her dog, building cities in her sand box, twirling on her tire swing. Laughing on the playground with the other children, playing Ring Around The Rosie, Red Rover, or Tag. Her favorite food as a child was a peanut butter, banana, and jelly sandwich. White bread with the crus still on, creamy peanut butter, strawberry jelly, and loaded with banana slices. As she got older it remained her favorite. and she remained mine.
Several times in high school I wanted to ask her out, but I never got the courage, or the chance. As soon as she was old enough to date, Dave never left her side. They were truly inseparable. The day after graduation they were married. My heart ached for her, but was soothed with the knowledge Molly was truly living her dream life.
When I was a teen I got a job as a page at the library. It was an obvious choice since I spent most of my life within it’s walls. I got to spend my days surrounded by the books I loved, and wasn’t expected to talk. A simple nod more often than not suffice. I never thought about quitting or changing positions. I made enough to live, and loved everything about my job. So I continued to work there even after graduation. I rented a small apartment within walking distance of the library and grocery store. My apartment was plain, but clean. I had a comfy hideaway bed that I only pulled down when I wanted to sleep. A large cozy chair with a reading lamp and side table, perfect for losing myself in my book of the moment when I wasn’t at work, enough dishes to get me through the day. Always washed, dried, and put away as soon as I finished eating. A perfectly organized closet full of black dress pants, and crisp white collared shirts. However, my favorite room was the bathroom, where I allowed myself to go a little crazy and brighten up the place. The shower curtain was bright ocean blue with bright yellow, red, and green fish swimming around it’s patern. I also had bright orange towels. It was easy to clean up after myself since I never made much of a mess thanks to my upbringing.
High school graduation changed my life. Aside from moving away from my parents, Molly became a larger part in my life. Not by much, but more than she was in high school. She got a job at the library too! It pained me to hear about her and her husband, listening to the life I wanted with her being lived by someone else. I heard every detail of her dream wedding that went off without a hitch, his amazing promotion, moving into their dream house, starting their family. In an odd sort of way it made me happy to watch as her stomach grew with life.
I missed Molly desperately during her maternity leave, but the baby pictures that followed filled my heart with joy. Pictures of her first steps, her covered in cake on her first birthday. Icing smearing on her mouth and forehead. Molly’s excitement when Scarlet spoke her first word; kitten. When Scarlet took her first steps Molly had the camera ready and took picture after picture. When she laid them out it was almost like watching her first steps happen right then and there. Several pictures were taken on Scarlet’s first day of preschool. She had joyfully told Molly she wanted to wear a hat that day and without a second thought had placed the full bowl of cereal, that had just been placed in front of her, upside down on her head. Molly had just enough time to capture the adorable picture of Scarlet’s shocked face, milk and cereal dripping down her face, followed by pictures of her laughing. Her hair still wet after a quick bath, standing on the bottom step of the porch in a beautiful yellow sundress and cow print backpack, ready to leave for school. Her waving just before she entered her first classroom. First day of kindergarten, already surrounded by friends.
She was such a beautiful child. She looked exactly like her mother. She had her mother's long, silky, straight, strawberry red hair. Her vibrant piercing blue eyes. Soft pure cream colored skin. A warm smile that could melt snowflakes. They could have been twins.
Scarlet would often come into the library after school to play in the children’s section until Molly got off work. From time to time I would be able to find a reason to speak with Scarlet for a few moments. I would ask her how her day was or about the book she was reading. She loved the books about kittens and ponies the most. She was so smart for her age, so kind. The perfect daughter. I loved watching Molly pick Scarlet up and hold her on her hip. The perfect picture of the family I knew I would never have, but would always long for. They were so happy together, and I wanted desperately to be the one to bring out their sweet, sweet smiles. I loved both of them so much.
On my way to the grocery store I would walk by Scarlet’s school. I timed my walks so that I would pass by during recess. I wouldn’t stare, but I would keep an eye on Scarlet. She loved to play. Loved to laugh. She was quiet as a mouse in the library, but on the playground barely a moment went by when she wasn’t laughing or at the very least giggling. Other children swarmed around her. Her laughter contagious and spreading through them like wildfire. She was loved by all.
That was my life up until a few days ago. Parent who planned the child they didn’t want. School years filled with books, and spent fascinated by the most beautiful most wonderful woman who was destined for another. Adulthood again filled with books and spent fascinated by the most beautiful most wonderful women who shared her dream life with the father of the most loving joy filled daughter I would always want but would never have.After graduation my parents forgot about me. They made no effort to contact me, and the few times I tried to see them I was quickly brushed aside and ignored. So I went to work, basked in the sunlight of Molly’s presence, warmed myself with the stories of her peaceful life, soothed my mind collecting moments here and there with Scarlet, filled my heart with the joy of Scarlet’s laughter, walked to the grocery store every Monday and Thursday, and dived into any and all books I could get my hands on to fill the time in between. Most wouldn’t have seen it as much of a life, but I was content.
Silent Predator
At first, the beginning of the end seemed like any other day. The sun was bright and warm, but not overpowering. Leaves, still green, danced in the warm. breeze. I am ashamed to admit that I didn’t notice the lack of birds singing at the time. I woke up at my normal time. Made and hid my bed. Ate my cereal, washed the dishes, dried them, and put them in their proper places. Next I showered, shaved, gave my apartment a quick wipedown, and relaxed with my book. Just like every other normal morning on one of my days off. When my watch started to beep I finished the chapter I was on, I only had two paragraphes left so why not, and locked my door behind me as I started off to the grocery store.
The first block of my walk I was lost in a daydream of Molly. Her and I picnicking in the park. Cliche I know, but it what I wanted. To see the sunlight shining on her soft strawberry hair, sitting on the robin egg blue blanket, a half eaten sandwich made by me in her right hand as she laughed. Her head tilted back, tear of joy sparkling in her eyes, her left hand lightly touching her throat. She was beautiful, even in my dreams.
I slowly started to pay more attention to my surrounding when the dogs that normally announced my presence to their owners were nowhere to be seen. After the second block I noticed the toughest dog I would pass by was cowering under it’s owner's truck. It shocked me so much I stopped and stared. For years this dog never missed an opportunity to rush the fence, growl, bark, and dig at the fence until I was over a block away. I was thankful the owners were smart enough to have a fence to tall for the beast to jump. Today though, he was whimpering softly, shaking violently, and I swear I could see his eyes wet with tears. Slowly I continued on my way. It was then I noticed no birds were chirping, no cats were bathing in the sun. A few dogs were huddled at the end of chains, all of them behaving the same way as the dog under the truck. Every muscle in my body was beyond tense by the time I reached the corner of the sidewalk at the schoolyard. As soon as I saw Scarlet though I could feel the tension melting away. She was laughing. Standing in a circle with several of her friends playing a game I didn’t recognize. It seemed to be centered around hand movements. She tossed her head back, sunlight playing in her hair as her untamed laughter escaped her lips. It sounded like music. It continued on, and on, and on. It started getting more and more wild, much too loud.
The kids around her stopped their game and stared at her. Within moments the whole playground, kids as well as the adults, were silent. Unmoving. Everyone was starting at Scarlet. I stopped walking, and for the first time in her life I just stared at Scarlet. Her head was no longer thrown back with joy, She was leaning forward slightly, her eyes wide and full of fear. Her hands fluttered frantically beside her like little hummingbird wings, then covered her mouth unsuccessfully muffling her laughter, then fluttered at her sides again. Her light blue dress slightly shifted in the breeze and from her movements. Tears filled her eyes, and flowed over onto her cheeks. Her laughter became unnaturally high pitched and fast. It sounded like a crazed serial killer clown laughing in a B-movie, speed up multiple times. There was no sound other then her laughter. I must have lost it, because even though her laughter sounded speed up, all movement seemed to slow to a crawl. Scarlet’s small fingers slowly glided through the air, her hair almost still in the air, the tears seemed frozen on her face. Time seemed to stop existing. In reality it couldn’t have been more than twenty seconds. Then suddenly, for no seen reason, her laughter stopped. Only the trees in the breeze moved. Only the leaves made sound.
I meant to move towards Scarlet. I wanted to rush to her, take her in my arms, and try to calm and comfort her until Molly could be called and arrive. Before a single muscle got the message from my brain to move, it happened. It looked like every organ, every blood vessel, everything within Scarlet’s skin... burst. Her skin bulged and stretched from the pressure of her insides for several seconds before her body collapsed to the ground.
Her wide eyes stared straight into mine, blood drained from her mouth, nose, eyes, and ears. Soon her beautiful blue eyes were coded with blood. A large pool of blood quickly formed underneath her. Shock and horror slammed into me. I felt the ground beneath me drop into non existence. Before I was able to collect myself the ground rushed back up as I slammed into it. I never took my eyes from Scarlet for even half a moment. The playground remained silent for a few more heartbeats before the screams and chaos started.
Children and teachers alike screamed their throats raw. A few rushed for Scarlet. Strangely, no one blocked my sight of Scarlet. Not even once. So much shouting. So much screaming. Then laughter. So much laughter. Giggles, chuckles, full on laughing. It came from everyone on the playground. They all started in different degrees, but they all became more hysterical. Faster, and faster. Fear filled all of their eyes. Some just stood there stunned, laughing. Some ran in circles, laughing. Some tugged at the shirts of the adults, laughing. Some curled up in the dirt, full tantrum mode, but they weren’t crying… they were laughing.
Tears flooded their eyes. Then one by one, silent explosions. Eyes bulged, skin stretched, blood poured. One. By. One. They all dropped. Ringing filled my ears as the world fell into silence. I tried to cry out, or maybe throw up… and passed out instead.
Silent Goodbyes
I slowly started to fade out of my dream and wake up. I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted to stay with Moly and Scarlet. We were at a carnival. Molly was holding my hand as we walked. Her strawberry hair brighter than usual against her pure white summer dress. She walked barefoot with ease. Scarlet ran circles around us, never to far away, pink cotton candy in one hand. The cotton candy matched her baby doll dress. Excitement filled her eyes as she examined each game’s prizes.There were a few people around us, but not many. Smiles on every face, fun everywhere. I very much did not want to leave them. I struggled with all of my ability to stay in the dream. Nightmare and pain began to seep into the dream. Scarlet laughing with her eyes full of fear, her body on the ground, blood, so much blood, a playground full of corpses. The strangers at the carnival began to laugh, their faces full of malice. Soon I struggled to wake up. Fought to escape. I felt the bed under me, felt the tears running from my eyes, but it still took time before I could blink the images away.
I stared at the grey ceiling for a while. Grief flooded my mind. Scarlet. I had only one thought in my mind. What had happened to Scarlet? I tilted my head, resting the side of my face on the pillow. Hospital. I searched for a clock on the wall, but found none. With caution I sat up. I was still fully dressed. Not sure why but I expected to be wearing something else. I had a few scrapes, dried blood here and there. I still had my watch on. I knew this wasn’t right. They would have at least taken my watch off, right? I had been unconscious for several hours. I carefully set my feet on the floor, still had shoes on. Cautiously, I walked towards the door. As soon as I reached the bathroom and saw the toilet the urge became overwhelming and I barely reached it and unbelted my pants in time.
I stood at the closed door of the room, unable to open it. Terrified. The hospital room seemed safe, closed off from the world. The possibilities of what could be on the other side filled my veins with ice. Thoughts of zombie apocalypses and aliens invasions crossed my mind. Part of me didn’t want to know. So I just stood there. Just stared at the door. With time I was able to force myself to take it one step at a time. I slid my hand over the cold knob. Breathed. Turned the knob. Breathed more. Closed my eyes. Breathed. Slowly opened the door. Breathed. Opened my eyes, held my breath, cautiously peered out into the hallway, and slammed the door shut.
The hall was flooded with bodies and blood. I couldn’t breathe. Tears streamed from my eyes again. I slide down the door covering my face with my hands. I lost track of time. I stayed sitting there long after every tear drained completely out of me. When I was able to breathe again and collect myself I glanced at my watch. It had been over an hour since I last checked it. I forced myself to stand up, stumbled into the small bathroom, washed the tears and blood from my face, drank down some of the water, and prepared myself to leave. I took a deep breath, and slowly left the room.
I tried not to focus on the bodies. I tried to see them as just objects in my way. Just random objects. Parts of the building. They were not the shells of what once was a living human. I tried to convince myself I was not walking through puddles of blood. An ocean of blood. I pretended it worked. It took me a while to find my way out of the building.
The streets were surprisingly empty. I expected corpses to be everywhere. I’m not sure how long I stood there before my feet were able to move again and I started to walk home. A feeling of being watched was overpowering, but I knew it was only in my head. I hoped it was only in my head. Just paranoia. From time to time I would hear laughter in the distance, or from inside a house I was walking by. When I heard it I would cover my ears and run as fast as I could.
Halfway home I turned a corner and saw a women walking down the street. Her pixie cut blonde hair was a mess. Tears ran down her dirty face. Her hands were shoved deep in her pockets, her head hung low. Her whole body slouched. She didn’t walk so much as merely shuffle her feet. I just stood there. Shocked to see someone alive. She must have sensed me staring, because she looked up, startled. I thought she might turn around and run away. Instead she seemed to fill with hope. She wiped the tears from her face and rubbed her eyes. Almost, as if to be sure she was really seeing me. She let out a short cry of excitement, stood up straight, and waved to me. She was smiling and letting out choked sobs. She began to run to me, calling to me. I semi waved back in disbelief, and took a few steps towards her. I stumbling when the laughter started. As soon as the laugh escaped her lips she stopped running towards me, covered her mouth, and fell to her knees. Despair filled and seeped from every part of her. The laughter built, as she cried more. She collapsed to the ground shaking, crying, laughing. I ran the other direction. I was ashamed of myself, but I couldn’t watch what was to come. Not again.
Scarlet flashed through my mind like a flip book. Scarlet laughing. Scarlet crying. Scarlet on the ground. Scarlet bloody. I kept running, not paying attention to where I was going. I was shocked when I found myself standing in front of my parent’s house. It really shouldn’t have surprised me as much as it did. They lived near the street I had been running from. I wasn’t even out of breath when I reached their house. Close, but not quite. I walked to the front door. Stumbling most of the way, and stood there. I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to find them. Deep down I knew they would be dead. Deep fear grabbed ahold of my heart. They weren’t the best parents, and never showed me love, but they were still my parents. I stepped inside.
I forced myself to move through the house. Forced myself to search for them. I had to force myself to focus. To look. I didn’t really see what was in front of my eyes though. The house was the same as it had always been. Even the walls, painted the same color every two years. Entryway was pristine and empty. Living room was pristine and empty. I slowly peered into the kitchen, my eyes gliding over the tile floor. Pristine. Empty. My feet seemed to move on their own, carrying me down the hall. The TV room entry was next. The room had an archway, not a door. I stopped walking. I didn’t want to continue deeper into the house. The lights seemed to dim. The walls seemed to move. Crawling towards me. Closing me in. I took a step forward. It felt as if I was walking against a force that was trying desperately to push me back. I slowly allowed my eyes to scan the floor as it opened up to me. I held my breath, and saw only floor. Pristine. Empty. I did not see them laying on the floor. I did not see them half covered by a pool of blood. I did not stare into my Mother’s dead face. I did not see them laying there dead. I did NOT see them laying there dead . I REFUSED to see them lying there dead .I did however, throw up.
I wiped my mouth off and stumbled to the kitchen. I grabbed the keys from the hook on the wall and continued to the garage. Both cars were parked perfectly in their assigned places. I slid into the closest car. A remote control for the garage door was the only thing in the center console. I clicked the button to raise the garage door, pulled the car out, lowered the door, and stared at it. I didn’t cry but I felt drained. I had no clue about what was happening. If it was happening to just my town, the country, or the whole world. I closed my eyes, breathed, heard nearby laughter, and drove away.
I kept asking myself, was it the town or was it the whole world? I slowly drove through the deserted streets, only a few bodies were scattered here and there. I pulled up to the library and scanned the parking lot. Molly wasn’t there. I didn’t know where she lived so I continued to my apartment. After thinking about it for a moment I parked on the street in front of the building. I doubted anyone would make a fuss about it.
I entered my apartment expecting to feel some sort of comfort, but only felt isolated. I sank into my chair to think. I might have dozed for a while before I stood, stretched, and left my apartment, not bothering to lock the door behind me. I made my way down the hall, and to the hall of the next floor trying the door knobs as I went until I found an unlocked one. I didn’t bother knocking. A body laid in the kitchen, phone dropped on the floor nearby. I turned on the tv and began flipping through the channels. The news stations showed nothing. Either empty sets, static, black screen, or other random things of that sort. All prerecorded programing continued. It made sense but somehow scared me, filled me with dread. Out of nowhere an idea flooded my mind. I quickly returned to my Mom’s car and speed off.
I parked in front of the library entrance, braced myself to wade through the blood and bodies, and walked inside. It was mostly empty. A few patrons and co-workers laid in bloody pools. I headed for my boss's office and with ease found the personal file and paperwork that contained Molly’s home address. I took the whole paper. I knew the area she lived in and had no problem finding her house. I don’t remember driving there. I went from walking out of the library to sitting in my Mom’s car in Molly’s empty driveway. Her house was beautiful. Waist high pale yellow fence surrounded her yard. Her grass was dark green and lush. Multicolored rose bushes dotted the yard along the fence. Scarlet had a swingset and slide. I stared at the swings swaying in the breeze. I pictured Scarlet on them, even though she would never do so again. With numb legs I managed to make my way to Molly’s front door. It was pale blue with white trim, like the rest of the two story house. I knocked on the door, pounded on it, with no answer. It was unlocked. I didn’t bother to call out. There was no cars in the driveway, no one answered the door, logically the house would be empty.
I searched each room. It was lived in, but clean. Warm, welcoming, homey. Soft purple walls, almost like an Easter egg brought life to the living room. The furniture looked comfortable. Books filled row after row of shelves. A wooden box shaped like a treasure chest overflowed with toys.
I broke down in Scarlet’s room. Her room was a fairytale. The walls were painted with rolling forested hills, a large castle that reached up to the ceiling, friendly adorable dragons, knights with their horses, a wizard with a crystal-topped staff. Birds, dragons, and clouds filled the sky. Her bed was fit for a princess with a pink canopy, pink curtains pulled back to the headboard. fluffy white pillows and a soft patchwork quilt. The quilt was hand made, each patch different. Animals, shapes, flowers, trees, and much much more filled every love filled square. I fell to my knees on the soft pale green carpet and cried while time faded away.
Molly’s room was elegant. Only she could have designed it. The walls were a soft blue gray, almost a marble texture to them. Her bookshelves, dresser, bed, and bedside tables were made from a rich dark red wood. Her blanket was a dark blue grey. Pictures of beautiful landscapes filled the walls,. Forest with deer drinking from a lake, bunnies in a field of tall grass, dark blue ocean reflecting a star filled sky. I knew which side of the bed was hers instantly. A paperback book, peppermint lotion, and stuffed animal given to her by the staff of the library when she announced her pregnancy lay on her bedside table.
The kitchen was taken straight from a country home magazine. Chestnut brown cabinets and cupboards matched the wooden table. The tan countertops matched the marble floor. A black cat clock ticked away on the wall, it’s eyes and tail glided smoothly back and forth. A flower vase near the stove was filled with wooden spoons, spatulas, and cooking spoons. Cow shaped containers sat side by side on the counter. A Cookie Monster cookie jar sat in the middle of the table. Next to it was a half eaten plate of lasagna and a glass of milk. Someone had been here and left in a hurry. To much of a hurry to remember to lock the door. Everything suddenly became too much for me to handle. I ran back to Molly’s room, threw myself on her side of the bed, crawled under her blanket sobbing silently, curled up with her pillow, and fell asleep.
Silent Destruction
I faded in and out of sleep through the night and following day. I knew I dreamed, but I didn’t remember what they were about when I woke up. I had only the vague sense of blood and death. Molly's pillow was soaked with tears. My muscles were stiff, and it took me a long time to be able to sit up. I sat on the edge of the bed, my face pressed against my hands, lost in thought. The sun was down, the house dark. I managed to stumble my way to the bathroom and find the light switch. I stripped down and showered not bothering with the hot water, just letting the freezing water wash over me. I could barely feel the cold. I pulled my clothes back on and stumbled to the kitchen. In the fridge I quickly glanced over the things obviously meant for a child… for Scarlet, and pulled out some of the leftover lasagna. I quickly found a plate and placed a piece of Molly’s from scratch cooking in the microwave. Scarlet had gushed over her Mother’s cooking often, but most often about her lasagna. It was her favorite thing Molly cooked. I had never tried Molly’s cooking before. Part of me was heartbroken it would be leftover, not fresh. Part of me wanted to break down with the knowledge I was only trying her cooking because of the death of the world. I blanked out and stared at the microwave for a while. Slowly coming out of my daze I pushed the buttons setting it for five minutes, pushed start, and the power went out. I just stood there stunned. For several minutes I thought I had been the one to cause the power outage. When the shock wore off I realized if nobody was alive to run the power plants it would only be a matter of time before the power and water would turn off, and it turned out now was the time. Maybe it would come back on, but I doubted it. I was almost overcome with depression that it couldn't have lasted just a few more moments. I should have eaten first. The shower had not been that important. Just a few more minutes. Enough to take the chill off even. I almost broke down staring at the lifeless microwave. Somehow… I managed to keep together.
I fumbled in the fridge for the sandwich meat I had seen, and with effort managed to get some food down. I didn’t taste it though. When I finished and drank down some of the milk. I placed most of the food in the freezer to help it keep a little longer. I stumbled my way to the laundry room, checking the shelves above the washer and dryer, and with luck found a working flashlight. Molly had kept her flashlight right were my parents had kept theirs. That thought made me feel weird. I can’t explain it, but it made me both happy and depressed. I tried to brush the feeling off, ignore it. I turned the light on and headed upstairs to the bedrooms.
I scanned Scarlet’s bed for the stuffed animal that seemed to have the most use. The one she had played with most. A small white kitten lay in the center of her pillow. Worn, but not tattered or torn. I carefully picked it up and cradled it in my arms. I rushed to Molly’s room before thoughts could find me, and grabbed the book from her bedside table.The one she had been reading before… all of this. The air in the house became thick. Unbreathable. I rushed outside, away from the pain. I ran as fast as I could, collapsed into my Mom’s car, and slammed the door behind me. I tried to breathe. I could feel the pressure of the house closing in around the car. Molly, Scarlet. I would never see their sweet smiles again. I turned the key, and sped away from the ghosts of what once had been, and what would never be.
I drove towards the store. I would need to stock up on food, water, and other supplies. I parked as close to the doors as I could, and took a moment to mentally thank my Mom for buying a full, wide trunked car. I fought the urge to lock the car. I had a bad feeling, and wanted to leave this place as soon as I could.The doors to the store were broken, glass everywhere. A few bodies lay at the doors, crowbars and bats nearby. Carefully I made my way through the broken glass, turned on the flashlight and started to make my way around the store. I’m not sure how long it took me to fill up the car with as much nonperishable food and bottles of water as I could. I filled an ice chest with ice and tossed in sandwich meat, pre-cooked ham, and other things of that sort. I also grabbed some other essentials like blankets, toilet paper, medication, soap, more flashlights, batteries, matches, battery powered radio, some cds I wanted because why not, and other odds and ins. As I started to make my way to the car for the last time I saw movement off to my left. A young boy, ten or eleven maybe. He saw me, turned and ran. I thought about following him for a moment, but decided it would be best to just continue on my way. I thought about grabbing a gun, but didn’t know how to use it so dismissed that thought. When my Mom’s car was fully loaded with everything I could think of, I slumped into the driverside seat, placed Scarlet’s kitten and Molly's book along with a few essentials into my new hiker’s backpack, and pulled away.
I spent the next few days locked up in my apartment. I mostly slept, but for the hours I was awake I read Molly’s book or got lost in my own thoughts. I quickly gave up on looking for a news report on the radio, and just played my new cds with the sound on low. I ignored the world outside my apartment walls, and it seemed to ignore me as well. After the third day locked up in my apartment I decided it was time I got out. Going outside during the day seemed too overwhelming. The sun was to bright, the blood on the sidewalks to nauseating, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched by malicious eyes. So, I waited for night to fall before I filled my backpack and made my way back to my Mom’s still loaded car.
I wanted to check out the rest of the town. When I reached the downtown area I parked, grabbed my backpack, locked up, and began my exploration. Broken windows, broken street lights, graffiti, and other vandalism was everywhere. Not as much as I expected though. It seemed there had been rioting, but it had ended quickly, and the bodies or at least most of them had been carried away. Blood stained the sidewalk. I just kept walking. After several blocks I encountered the X-ers for the first time.
I saw lights bouncing in the distance. People with flashlights running. For some reason I was filled with dread. Without a second thought I turned my light off, and pressed against the wall of the building next to me. There was a small cove in the architecture every several feet. In the daylight I would have been spotted from blocks away, but at night there was a chance I wouldn’t be seen. They were a short distance from me when I saw them clearly enough to tell what was happening. Six guy in their late teens or early twenties were chasing a terrified mid teens girl. When the guys caught up to the girl they grabbed her hair and yanked her back to them. It surprised me to hear no sound from her. No screams, no pleas for mercy, nothing. She fought back, but didn’t make a sound. The sound of ripping fabric filled the street. Her struggling became more frantic. I wanted to move, wanted to help, but knew there was nothing I could do. They had knives, guns, and other weapons dangling from their belts and in their hands. They pinned her to the asphalt, and she finally started to scream. Blood curtling screams. Within seconds however, her screams morphed into laughter. It was then the boys backed off of her. They settled their lights on her, gruesome smerks smeared across their faces. The girl writhed on the pavement in agony. She screamed her laughter. I closed my eyes and covered my ears the best I could. I waited for the horror to end. When it finally ceased I heard the boys giving each other high fives, and patted each other on the back. I noticed though, they didn't verbally congratulate each other. They did something to her body before clicking off their lights and silently continued on their way. As they passed by me the moonlight revealed their faces. They were basking in the afterglow of their kill.
Long after they were gone I moved slowly to the girl. I allowed only moonlight to reveal her. A few scraps of clothes were still on her, but mostly they had been ripped off. They had positioned her body into an X. Her arms spread above her, and her legs spread below her. I closed her eyes before continuing on my way.
All through town it was the same story. Bodies scattered here and there. Some lay where they fell after the laughter took them over. Some positioned into an X. Some windows broken, some not. Some stores almost cleared out, some not even touched. For the rest of the night I saw no other humans, no lights. From time to time I saw stray animals. A few cautiously came to me. I fed them some of the meat I had. There was more than enough to last and it wouldn’t keep for very long anyways. It was then it dawned on me that I hadn’t seen any corpses of animals. Only humans. True, the animals were all skittish. Even the ones who did come up to me were full of fear, but they were not dead. Only humans were being erased from the world. Only we were meant to die.
At daybreak I came across the X-ers again. It was a different set of people, but they had the same mission. I saw the young boy first. Maybe five or six. He sat on a swing in the park. Not moving. He was filthy, arm wrapped around his stomach, obviously hungry. I prepared to make my way to him, offer him some of my food. That is when they came. They were running at top speed toward the boy. I was able to hide behind a large tree before they saw me. Not that they would have noticed me anyways. They were focused purely on the boy.
They had X’s all over their bodies. The only girl wore earrings with X’s on them, some had X’s on necklaces, X’s painted on their faces, or printed on their shirts. One guy had small cuts in his shirt that showed enough of the skin of his chest and stomach to make an X. They were covered in weapons as well. Guns, knives, chains, brass knuckles, and several other things. They looked mean, and dangerous.
They ran up to the boy not making a sound other than their shoes hitting the ground, and their chains jingling. The boy stumbled to his feet, trying to run, but unable to. When they caught up with him they began to beat him with bats, crowbars, a rake, and other things, After only a few seconds of the beating the boy screamed in pain. His screams quickly turned into laughter.
It was at that moment that it hit me. Sound. Sound was the trigger. Talking, screaming, laughing. Sound. Scarlet laughing. The other children and adults on the playground screaming. The girl on the street calling out to me. Sound. I didn’t realize then just how bad it was though.
When the boy died they gutted him, using his blood to paint the nearby wall with an X’s. The girl and one of the guys spread his body into an X. One of the guys stared at the boy’s mutilated body. Stared at the blood and gore. His hand moved down to between his legs, and started rubbing… I couldn't believe it. He was getting off to the boy's death. To his mutilated corpse. The girl noticed and rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head in disgust. Anger flashed in his eyes. He lunged at the girl and shoved his mouth hard into hers. She pulled away instantly, hitting him on the side of the head with a chain wrapped fist. He jerked back, reaching a shaking hand up to his bleeding head. His face turned bright red. He grabbed the girl, and shoved her onto the ground pouncing on top of her, and pawed at her clothes. Dirt clouded around them. The girl stopped fighting, and covered her nose and mouth. The guy inhaled the dust and started to cough. Terror flashed across his face. He stood up shaking his head viciously, refusing to believe what was about to happen. He started to giggle.
The others around him just started. The girl propped herself up onto her elbows, grinning, raised one hand into the air, and lifted one finger flipping him the bird. The laughter grew and grew. I admit I took some pleasure in knowing he was about to die. I did not take pleasure in hearing his death, nor the knowledge his death brought. Coughs would bring on the laughter as well. No more speaking. No more coughing. I realized sneezing was more than likely out too. Unless this thing went away as fast as it arrived or an antidote was founded we would all be dead soon. There would be no escape for anyone.
The laughter stopped, the monster fell to the ground, blood pooled around him, the others shook their heads and walked away. I sank to the ground, leaning against the tree while I thought. I had lost hope that I would survive, but I had not yet lost the will to live. When the sun was bright in the sky I returned to the store. I loaded up on guns and bullets. Quickly teaching myself to shoot. I slid several hunting knifes onto my belt. I also grabbed pepper spray and other thing I could use to protect myself. If I came across the X-ers again I would be prepared to protect myself and any others I came across. There were others out there, and maybe someone would have some answer for me. I just had to find them.
Silent Gatherings
I was drained from the horrors of the last several hours, and wanted a bed desperately. The thought of returning to Molly’s house tore my heart and took the air from my lungs. The thought of my apartment made me instantly feel paranoid and isolated. The thought of entering a random house made me think of creatures in the shadows, and blood. After putting thought into it I settled on Cozy Classic Country Cabins. A sort of casual retreat. Tucked away in the forest on the outskirts of town were several small cabins nuzzled in the trees. They were spread out in a half circle behind the main office. The open space in the middle was the parking area. Each cabin looked classic, wooden, and cozy. The inside looked like a small country home. They were the size of a high priced hotel room. Not too small, not too large, room to breathe, but still cozy. People in the town used the cabins just as much as travelers. They were perfect for weekend getaways. Most important to me though, they still used metal keys.
I pulled off to the side of the road a short distance from the cabins, and made my way through the trees. I wanted to make sure it was unoccupied. I listened for any noises and heard nothing. I made my way around, peering into windows, searching the ground for signs of disturbance. Empty. The main office was unlocked, and I easily found a set of keys. After retrieving my Mom’s car I parked it behind my cabin for the night, curled into bed with only a quick look around to make sure the cabin was empty, and fell asleep holding Molly’s book and Scarlet’s kitten.
I spent time drifting in and out of sleep. I barely got enough rest to continue the day. I gave myself a water bottle bath which I admit did help wake me up a little and made me feel a lot better, and slid on clean clothes I had grabbed from the store which helped even more. I gathered everything up and just sat in my Mom’s car. I thought about leaving town, going to the city, seeing if I could find someone who might know what happened to everyone. I realized I would have no idea where to go. I grabbed my backpack, bottles of water and a box of cereal, returned to the cabin, and read Molly’s book again until the sun went down. I thought it might be safer to be in town when I could hide under the cover of darkness.
When the sun was down, and complete darkness filled the world beyond the cabin window, I loaded everything up again and drove into town. It had changed. There were no bodies on the streets. The glass had been removed from the sidewalks. Broken windows had the glass removed and were boarded up. Some stores were completely cleared out. Vehicles were cleared from the streets, nowhere to be seen. I parked in a large alleyway. It was to earee to park on the empty street. Very slowly, very carefully, I wondered the streets. The stores that had anything useful for survival had been cleared out. This was the work of several organized people. This should have comforted me, but instead terrified me.
I ended up in a park. Different from the one the boy had died in. I found a tree to sit against and rest, completely hidden by large tree roots and darkness. I got lost in my thoughts of the good times with Molly and Scarlet. A shadow of a smile crossed my lips, and for a while I was almost happy. I was pulled from my memories by the sound of running footsteps. I stood and waited.
The lights came into view down the street. Some was being chased by a small group. I pulled out a handgun, not confident in my shooting, but figured if I waited for the person to pass and just started to fire into the group the person being chased would be safe, and even if I didn’t kill the chasers I might injure them, or at least get them to run the other way. The person being chased had almost reached the park when I saw phantoms in the darkness. The person ran into the trees, slid behind one of the larger ones, and stopped. She wasn’t breathing hard so she couldn’t have been running for long. When the chasers got close to the trees I heard what sounded like guns with silencers. One by one the people in the group dropped. It was over in seconds. The bodies were silently tossed into the back of a nearby truck. The girl was given a bottle of what I could only assume to be water. Another girl was hugged by several others before she wandered away from the trees, slowly drifting down a street. Bait. I realized she was bait. The others faded back into the darkness. I was unsure of what to do. They might have been good people getting rid of the X-ers, or they could have been X-ers of a different kind. I sat back down, and watched.
After a while running footsteps began echoing down the street again. It happened the same as before. The runner dashed into the trees, the X-ers followed, when they were close I heard silenced guns, the X-ers all dropped, and their bodies disposed of. Part of me wanted to get their attention, let them know I wanted peace, and to be welcomed into their group. I wanted to be told what was going on with the world. Part of me wanted to sneak away, and run far far away. I decided I didn’t want to be noticed just yet so I continued to wait and watch. A few hours later two people slowly made their way down the street. When they got into the trees lights turned on. A teenage girl handed over a teenage boy to the group in the trees. She was handed a bottle she drank deeply from. The boy was given some sort of wipes to clean his hands and face, a bottle, and food. He was lead to a car and driven away. I made my decision. I stood, took a few steps away from the tree, and softly drummed an empty water bottle against my hand.
Beams of light instantly covered me, blinded me. I dropped the bottle, raised one hand to shield my eyes, and waved to them with my other. I heard footsteps running towards me. For a second fear ran down my spine, then I realized it was only one set of feet. Next thing I knew someone had slammed into me, wrapped their arms around me, and buried their head against my neck which was quickly becoming wet. I used both my hands to block the light and looked down into red hair. Molly’s hair. I wrapped my arms around her, and just held her. I held her as tight as I could. Tears poured from my eyes. The lights turned away from us, and the group around us returned to the darkness giving Molly and me our privacy. Time ceased to exist. For the first time in my life I held Molly, and Molly held me.
After our tears ran dry Molly lightly pulled away, but kept an arm around me, held my hands in hers, and lead me to the park’s bathroom. There were chairs set up and candles on the counter giving off plenty of soft light. A few people sat in the chairs, each with a notebook and pen in their hands. Molly grabbed two notebooks and pens, pulled us down into two chairs, and we told each other our stories.
Molly had been at work when she got the call about Scarlet. Her memory got a little fuzzy for a while after that. She remembered a flash of someone helping her into the passenger seat of a car, a flash of being at the hospital sitting in a chair alone, then her husband was there holding her. People around her were talking, but she couldn’t understand a word they said. She made no attempt to speak. No attempt to move. Then, everyone around her began to die. When her husband died she panicked and ran to her parents house. They weren't there so she let herself in, and after pacing and crying for a while she turned on the tv. There were no newscasters, but there was text sliding across the screen. Some unknown cause was killing people when they spoke. She just sat, watching the same text roll by. She had fallen asleep on the couch, curled up and crying. She was awaken by the sound of knocking.
She had rushed to the door. Someone had been holding a sign that read “Don’t Speak! Sound Causes The Laughter” Behind them someone was holding up notebooks and pens. By this time most of the people in the town had died. They told her they had no idea what had caused this to happen, but they were not going to give up hope. Several people had gathered together to do what they could to make the best of what was happening. After a lot of discussion they had a plan. One of the people in the group worked at the biggest hotel in town. It also happened to be one of the fanciest. They had gone through all the rooms in the hotel manually removing the locks on all the doors. They wanted people to have their privacy, but they didn’t want any dead bodies locked in rooms. Cards were taped to each door with the names of the rooms residents.
They had created several job for people both in and out of the hotel. In the hotel there were people who did their best to keep the hotel clean. People who separated the food, liquids, bedding, clothes, and other useful things into organized rooms. People who took care of the children who had survived. For obvious reasons no infants or toddlers had survived. There was also a place set up as a makeshift hospital. Anyone with any medical knowledge stayed there. She didn’t mention all of the jobs people had in the hotel, but she did imply there was a lot for people to do. There was a lot to be done outside the hotel. Some tried to find survivors, some gathered food and other things needed for survival and took it back to the hotel, some gathered bodies to be burned, some cleared the streets of glass and debris, some boarded up windows, and some took care of the X-ers which they called by a different name.
The organization of the group had formed quickly. At times like this people don’t like to just sit around and wait. They want to get up, be productive, do something, anything. If someone is willing to step up and be a leader, people will follow. There had been meetings on what needed to be done, how to go about doing it, goals for the survivors, and so on. There had been a debate about the animals in the town. The pets left behind. Some people wanted all animals to be gathered, kept alive like cattle, and used for fresh meat. Most of the people in the meeting horrified at the thought of eating pets. In the end it had been decided the aggressive animals would be put down, the friendly animals would be allowed in the hotel as pets.
Molly had instantly joined the group to eliminate the X-ers. The best shooters and runners in the group worked together to bait and kill the monsters. It turned out Molly was an excellent runner. She had been our school’s best track star in decades, and she had kept it up after high school to stay in shape. Not only jogging, but sprint running. She had constantly been trying to beat her own records. She had always loved running, and found it fun and relaxing. She had never thought it would save her life, and the lives of others. She admitted it terrified her every time she went out. She knew she was taking a risk. Knew she might not make it back. For her it was worth it. A truly worthy cause. She couldn’t understand how people could murder for pleasure. Especially after what had just happened to the world.
When I told Molly my story I was vague about where I had gone. I wasn’t sure how she would feel abou the time I had spent in her house. I told her I had looked for her, but moved on quickly. For a moment I thought about returning Scarlet’s kitten to Molly, but realized if she had wanted something of Scarlet’s she would have returned to her house and gotten it herself, but it would have been a constant reminder of what she had lost. I told her I had my Mom’s car packed a short distance away filled with supplies. She wrote a quick note to one of the people near her, and held my hand as I led her to the car. I knew the hotel that was being used as headquarters and we headed towards it, in silence.
Silent Annihilation
When we got to the hotel Molly directed me where to park by pointing. There was a certain place to park cars full of supplies, and since I would be staying at the hotel now it only made sense for me to share what I had. Molly had told me cars were all parked in certain lots, and only used for specific reasons to save gas. There was a loophole for me though. Since this was my Mother’s car it could be marked as mine to be used when and how I wanted until it ran out of gas. I almost took her up on the offer, but in the end I declined. Before we left the car I removed most everything from my backpack. I only kept Molly’s book, Scarlet’s kitten, and Molly’s flashlight. I slung my backpack over my shoulder, and followed Molly inside. She led me straight to her room, added my name to the card on the door, and without a awkward moment we curled up on her bed, just holding each other.
She laid her head against my chest, her hands lightly pressed against my chest and shoulder. Almost like she was unsure I really existed. I had my right arm under her head as a makeshift pillow,. My hand ran lightly over the back of her head, my fingers playing with her soft hair. I held my left hand pressed lightly against her lower back. Our bodies weren’t pressed against each other, but our toes were, and for me even that was amazing. I was breathless. I couldn’t believe she was really here. She was really alive. Molly was really laying in my arms, asleep.
When we woke up we held each other for a while longer. I’m not sure which of us woke up first. We were both being careful not to wake each other. After a while we were forced to get out of bed by nature calling. She took me to what they were using as the restrooms, used clean wipes for a bath, and went to the kitchen for bottles of water and a surprisingly decent meal of eggs, bacon, and hashbrowns. They had used generators to keep the fridge and freezer going, and the hotel had an amazing outdoor cooking pit.
The cooking pit was decently new. The hotel had several large rooms they rented out for events. Conventions, reunions, wedding receptions, graduation celebrations, and things of that sort. The owner had realized if they built large rooms to held events that people would also need overnight rooms for that they would be willing to pay higher prices for the convenience. On top of that if they had a restaurant in the hotel people would eat there even if it was also slightly higher priced, again for the convenience. To complete the trifecta, since they had a kitchen they could cater the events in the hotel with ease. Having everything you could want all in one place made the hotel an instant success. Even though it was expensive, if you use it to the fullest of it’s ability it was a lot cheaper than paying for things separately.
I enjoyed my meal knowing I wouldn’t be able to eat this kind of food much longer. Eggs wouldn’t be a problem, there were a decent amount of chicken coops in the town. I didn’t know if there were any pigs in the area, but if there were they could be raised and we would still have fresh bacon. There were a few farming communities nearby, so maybe we could even have potatoes, even though I was pretty sure potatoes wasn’t one of their regular crops, but you never know I guess. Then I realized there was a chance we wouldn’t be around long enough to raise pig or grow potatoes… guess there was still time for fresh eggs at least.
After breakfast Molly and I wandered around outside for a little while just enjoying being with each other. Eventually though, Molly reluctantly lead me to the information room. The room had one desk, one chair, a small stack of paper, and nothing else. I stared into Molly’s stunning eyes, my eyes full of question. Molly stood on her toes, placed her hands on my shoulders for balance, and lightly kissed my forehead before softly guiding me to the chair. I sat down, pulled the stack of papers to me, and began to read. Unfortunately, I had most of my questions answered.
Most of the information had been collected before the power had gone out. Some of the town’s survivors had been higher up doctors and politicians, so they had received information few people had access to. Doctors had started to perform autopsies and every other test on the human body they could think of. Scientists had started to test the air, water, soil, and every aspect of the Earth they could think of. All results had come back completely normal. Maybe if they had more time they could have come up with something, but those who could have made a difference were the first to go.
When the deaths first started the whole world was buzzing. Doctors and scientists from all over the world flooded emails, forms, and other means of text communication. Unfortunately, they also communicated verbally. By the time everyone realised what brought on the laughter most of the people in the world who could have make a difference were dead. The deadly laughter did not discriminate. Age, race, sex, health. It all meant nothing. As long as you were human. Plants were completely unaffected. Hours leading up to and during the mass death animals were terrified, but fine afterwards. Whatever this was, the animals had sensed it coming.
Several towns in most if not all counties were hit at once. It spread unbelievably fast. Within hours it seemed the whole world was effected. Even in the individual towns some people were affected sooner than others, but even that was sporadic. In some places a room full of talking people had only one or two people die. However, some places had no survivors. At least, no human survivors.
No antidotes were found. Nothing stopped or slowed the effects once the laughter started. Some of the last information collected stated test subjects had been heavily sedated or force unconscious while laughing. None of the attempts made slowed the effects or prevented death.
I was barely able to get through the section that explained what happened to each person after the laughter stopped. All I could do was think about Scarlet. Her death replayed in my mind over and over again as I read. Skin and bone were the only things not affected. Almost everything else more or less exploded and liquified. The red liquid that poured from all openings in the body was a mixture of blood and liquefied organs and muscles. It is unknown why the skin and bones are uneffected. No one knew what, how, or why this was happening. Only that it was happening.
When I finished reading I just sat there staring at the papers in front of me. Tears slid down my face. Molly pushed the papers away from me, turned me towards her, and held me while I cried. The only comforting thought I had was that I would at least spend the remainder of my life with Molly in my arms.
Silent Screams
Molly took the night off of being a runner to show me around. Even though we had our notebooks we didn't really talk. In a bittersweet way the time we spent together that day was the happiest time of my life. We were always touching in one way or other. Holding hands, arms wrapped around each other, her head on my shoulder. At times only a shadow of a smile crossed her lips, but it was rare a smile fully left her face. I could almost see the sparkle back in her eyes. Her happiness made my heart soar. Only Scarlet being there, alive and healthy, could have made our day together more perfect.
We packed a lunch and headed to the town's best interactive park. There were several large ponds with beautiful koi that would swim up to the surface looking for food, and if you wanted you could even brush your fingers along their scales without startling them. We picked a crystal blue pond and watched the fish as we ate. It was hard to not speak to each other, but we still enjoyed ourselves. We played footsy with each other when our hands were full of food. Molly’s eyes brightened while she watched the squirrels and chipmunks play in the trees.
There was a parade of life size animal statues you were supposed to climb and sit on. There was a camel, bear, tiger, lion, wolf, hippo, buffalo, and many many more. Normally people would pose for pictures on them. We tried all of them. Molly’s favorite was the elephant. You were able to climb around it’s head and sit on it’s trunk. I hadn’t seen her smile so widely in years. My favorite was the giraffe. You could climb up the back of it’s neck, and look around from the top of it’s head.
We also played in this weird maze. It was like a large tangled slinky. You were supposed to enter one end and make your way through the rings until you found a way to the other end. Each ring was spread about six inches apart. Every thirty feet or so there were gaps large enough for people to leave the maze if they wished. Molly and I spent hours wandering around the rings. We could see each other through the slots, but the rings were too mixed up and tangled so we never knew which way to go to get to each other. It soon become a game of me trying to catch her as she slipped away from me. Eventually I managed to catch her. I grabbed her from behind, and wrapped my arms around her waist. I lowered my mouth to her neck, holding her tight. She smiled, wrapping her arms around mine.
When we returned to the hotel we were both exhausted. We curled up on our bed. Her back was pressed against my chest, her head rested on my arm. I laid my head gently on top of hers. Our legs were tangled together. I just held her as we dozed. I wanted to lay that way forever. Her soft breathing comforted me, her body moving ever so slightly with each breath. She smelled so good. She didn’t smell like perfume, soap, or any other artificial scent, it was just her. She smelled light and warm. Her scent seemed to fill me. I would have sworn she smelled like sunlight warming a summer breeze. She woke before I did, but the feel of her shifting in my arms eased me out of my doze. She turned until she was facing me, and laid her head against my chest. I think, she was listening to my heartbeat. As I slid my hand down her side, resting it on her hip, I noticed she was smiling.
Late in the day we gathered a small picnic and walked to a lake in the forest behind the hotel. We laid out a blanket in the grass, snuggling close. We watched the ducks playing in the water, and ate. During dessert a doe with her fawn walked right next to us on their way to the water. We watched in amazement, unmoving, until they had disappeared back into the trees.
I leaned against a tree, pulling her close to me. She leaned into me, her back against my chest. She gently laid her head on my shoulder, and rested her forehead against my neck. I wrapped my arms and legs around her, her arms wrapped around mine. We slowly rocked back and forth as the sun set behind the trees. The light around us was soft. Everything was so peaceful. Without thinking I placed my hand under Molly’s chin, turned her towards me, and pressed my lips to hers. They were so soft. So sweet. With time our kiss became more insistent. I could feel her need. She turned, wrapping her body around mine. Before I knew it she had slid my shirt off, her hands on my bare skin. She tasted and smelled so good. She felt so good. Molly stayed above me, stayed in control the whole time. She wanted me just as much as I wanted her. I knew our need was from different causes. Mine because of my deep love for her. Molly needed comfort and love. I ran my hands over her skin, my mouth over her body. I could barely think, barely breathe. I was with my Molly! She was holding me, I was holding her, we were together. I looked up at her, a slight smile on her lips as she moved above me. She was so beautiful. Her soft red hair fell loosely around her shoulders. So beautiful. Her lips parted slightly, and she softly moaned.
I froze. Her blue eyes opened wide, filled with terror. It started as a giggle as her eyes flooded with tears. I couldn’t breath. My vision blurred. I kissed her lips softly as the giggling grew, wrapped my arms around her and held her tight. She laughed, and cried, holding me back just as tight. Then, there was only silence.
Silent Terrors
When her body grew cold, I reluctantly released her. Still crying I redressed her the best I could, pulled my own clothes on, wrapped her in the blanket, and in a daze returned to the hotel. I let them take her body from me. They didn’t ask questions, and when I shook my head they let me be. I returned to our room long enough to grab Molly’s book and Scarlet’s kitten. I clung to them as I returned to the forest, returned to the lake.
Humans are an interesting species. No one left will live longer than a few days, weeks at most. Eventually there will be a slip of the tongue, a sneeze, a cough. We all know it, even if we try to deny it, even to ourselves. When faced with death there seems to be two types of people in the world. Those who hold on, and those who let go.
Those who hold on have something in them to keep them going. Something that gives them a reason to hold on to every moment they can. Something that gives them, hope. Perhaps it is hope that a loved one will appear, hope they will be able to make a difference before they die, hope there will still be moments that make those last few seconds worth living. Hope. Hope can give strength to someone who knows their end is near. To work as hard as they can to make their town a clean safe place for those who will continue on after them, even if afterwards is only for a short time. They may even have hope that if they hold on long enough, a miracle will happen. Even if the miracle is for someone else.
Have those who have let go lost hope? Did they lose hope for a better future? Did they lose hope they would ever feel happiness again? Or is it fear? Fear about how the end will come. Fear the end will be too painful. Forcing yourself to struggle through the pain of watching all that you love die, and all you have worked for crumble around you. Knowing that in the end you failed to protect those you loved. Or have they realized they have no control over their life anymore, so they decided to have control over their death?
I held on to the hope that Molly was still alive. I let go after I failed to protect the ones I loved. I found the place where I held Molly for the last time. I curled up in the grass with Scarlet’s kitten pressed tightly between my chest and Molly’s book. I caressed the soft fur on Scarlet’s kitten. Held them as close to my heart as I could. Tears fell silently. I whispered, “I love you.”
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